On this, the 14th
of February 2014; we celebrate the Valentines Day Massacre. Now why we would choose to immortalize this
memory with it’s own holiday, I shall never know. However, in keeping with the tradition of V-day,
I shall endeavor to press through this most barbaric of holidays with a movie
marathon of sorts.
The first movie on the list
is 1947’s Monsieur Verdoux. Starring,
directed by, scored by, and finally written by Charlie Chaplain from an idea by
Orson Welles. Instead of playing his
usual “Tramp”, he plays a serial murderer with a warped sense of morality. It’s a somewhat comic version of real life
French serial murderer and real life “bluebeard” Henri Landru. (Now I’m going to be honest here, I just figured bluebeard was one of Blackbeard’s less famous relatives.) A bluebeard is the male version of the much better known “black widow” (a woman who marries and then murders her husband, often for his fortune.)
A black comedy that would
seem quite beyond Chaplains comfort zone, were it not for his dramatic turn in
moments from 1940’s The Great Dictator.
While Monsieur Verdoux is dark, it’s comedic charm lies very much
in our title character’s journey and from jaded con-man whom only see’s real
love within the context of the family he’s trying to support; and the glimmer’s
of hope that begin to reawaken his hope that mankind isn’t completely bereft of
hope.
Chaplin delivers a flawless
performance. An amazing cast of female
actors surrounds him. The performances
of these “victims” are such, that one almost forgets that this is a “Charlie
Chaplain” film. Martha Ray especially
shines as the mark that just won’t die.
In fact, she delivers my favorite scene; in which Verdoux, quite
unsuccessfully, attempts to kill her while out fishing. This is easily my second favorite Chaplain
scene, the first being the famous speech from The Great Dictator.
The film ranges from darkly
comic, to strait drama, and at times stark social commentary. The final act brings scenes of stock market
crash and Nazi oppression and war. The
one person whom he shows kindness to (in spite of his initial plan to kill her
in a ruthless experiment), is the one person that in turn shows him kindness in
the end. Alas, he cannot escape justice,
and refuses to try.
Judge: “Monsieur
Verdoux, you have been found guilty. Have you anything to say before sentence
is passed upon you?”
Henri Verdoux: “Oui, monsieur, I have. However remiss the prosecutor has been in complimenting me, he at least admits that I have brains. Thank you, Monsieur, I have. And for thirty-five years I used them honestly. After that, nobody wanted
them. So I was forced to go into business for myself. As for being a mass killer,
does not the world encourage it? Is it not building weapons of destruction for
the sole purpose of mass killing? Has it not blown unsuspecting
women and little children to pieces? And done it
very scientifically? As a mass killer, I am an amateur by comparison. However,
I do not wish to lose my temper, because very shortly, I shall lose my head.
Nevertheless, upon leaving this spark of earthly existence, I have this to say:
I shall see you all…very soon…very soon.”
The second film on the list
is Fritz Lang’s psychological masterpiece, M. A taut German language thriller from 1931 that is just as chilling today as it was when first it graced the silver screen, if not more so. Peter Lorre stars as the unassuming, but quite disturbed serial killer Hans Beckert. He has begun targeting young girls in pre World War II Germany. The setting is reminiscent of the gangster flicks set in Chicago or Detroit. In fact, the mob underworld seems to be strait out of a Scorsese or Coppola film. The police are in frenzy; staging nightly raids of bottom feeding bars and security sweeps of homeless shelters. It is no wonder that the local mob boss is upset, it’s cutting into his bottom line. But just like Coppola’s Godfather, this mob boss is also concerned about his people. The police aren’t going about it fast enough, so they decide to take things into their own hands. So begins the watch of the homeless network. The eyes and ears of every homeless person are on alert for any stranger who takes an unnatural interest in little girls. I don’t want to give away the whole movie, so I’ll just say that the police procedure seems spot on. The story rarely slows, and when it does, it feels natural. The writing is incredibly tight. Peter Lorre’s performance is seamless and he gives one of the most impassioned speeches, from a villain, that I have ever heard. I am sure that I won’t forget it anytime soon.
Hans Beckert: “I can’t help what I
do! I can’t help it, I can’t…What do you know about it? Who are you anyway? Who
are you? Criminals? Are you proud of yourselves? Proud of breaking safes or
cheating at cards? Things you could just as well keep your fingers off. You
wouldn’t need to do all that if you’d learn a proper trade or if you’d work. If
you weren’t a bunch of lazy bastards. But I… I can’t help myself! I have no
control over this, this evil thing inside of me, the fire, the voices, the
torment!”
The
third and final film as we wind down our celebration is a little known 1987 indie
called, I Was a Teenage Zombie. Basically, it’s your average 80’s teen comedy
about a bunch of high school kids (that look like 25 year olds) who want to get
high (but ONLY on weed! No acid, cocaine or LSD for these kids) and possibly
fall in love (or just get laid), at the upcoming dance. Of course, their dealer screws them. When they ask for a refund, a fight ensues
and the dealer… slips on a banana peal. They think he’s dead- but not
really. He then wakes up while they are
trying to dispose of the body and yet another struggle commences, until he gets
a bat to the head, actually killing him.
They then dispose of his body in a toxic sludge filled river. A short time later, zombie drug dealer knocks
off our hero Dan Wake (Michael Rubin in his first, and last leading roll). When his friends realize they have no choice but to fight zombie with zombie, they steal poor ole Dan’s body and dump it in the river as well. Normally, this would be
very, very bad judgment. However, lucky for
these misguided teens Zombie Dan comes to the rescue. The problem lies in the fact that Zombie Dan
is still in love. Of course, the death
toll rises, Zombie Dan tries to woo his human girlfriend (not going to work
out… really), heads get twisted and dances still happen. Zombie Dealer meets Zombie Dan. They don’t get along. Heads roll.
Bittersweet ending. This is one
movie that I can’t recommend with good conscience. However, if you must watch it, I’ll tell you
my secret. I actually had a good time
watching this B-movie. Far from a
masterpiece, it is mindless fun and some special effects that are so bad
they’re good. It was clearly shot on a
shoestring budget with16mm. While it
will never reach the cult status of a film like Slime City (which I do highly
recommend), it works as a decent way to pass the time.
“I
was young, reckless, and in love. Then…
I was DEAD, young, reckless, and in love.”
I
hope you all had a fabulous V-Day. Mine
wasn’t half bad.
The James Gunn directed Guardians of the Galaxy features an unlikely cast of characters who must team up in order to defeat a cosmic force of epic proportions. The August 1 release stars Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Lee Pace, Michael Rooker, Karen Gillan, Djimon Hounsou, Benicio del Toro, John C. Reilly, Glenn Close, Gregg Henry, Bradley Cooper and Vin Diesel.
One of the most beloved Sci-Fi tomes to ever be adapted for the screen is Frank Herbert's Dune. We are all familiar with the David Lynch work that released in December of 1984. What most of you don't know, is that almost ten years previous an adaptation of Dune was in the works. It was so epic, that it was doomed to remain within the hearts and minds of those who were intent on making it. With a script that was some 14 hours in length, and names attached like Orson Wells, Peter Gabrial, Pink Floyd, and many others; it is the greatest film that never was. This is the story of Alejandro Jodorowsky and the adaptation that almost was. Releasing early 2014. Must see! 
